Love Letter to 2019
2019. You didn’t excel.
Disappoint is maybe too strong a word. You just existed. It felt like a year in waiting. Waiting for phones to ring, emails to drop, people to respond. Not once in the driving seat, only ever the passenger.
It was a year of finding out more about what I couldn’t do than the things that I could.
But that isn’t a bad thing. Growth comes from struggle, right? It was a harsh look in the mirror to see the gap between where I am and where I was. It’s been a year of ruthlessly selling my soul to find out where I fit. The San Diego version of me has struggled where the London version thrived.
Personally, 2019, you left me confused, adrift and a little lost. If I’m being honest, you sucked.
Elsewhere however, it wasn’t all bad. My family got stronger. Their wings unfurled and their own paths started to take shape. The eldest sees a future clearly in his grasp. His eyes are opened to the world that is waiting for him. My youngest sees the first buds of the teenage years that are so close. A little angst and frustration presenting itself as he waits for the body and the years to catch up with the desire to be older, independent, freer.
Our home took a step closer in looking like us. Our personalities are stamped more on the house than the areas that aren’t. It has a feel of Us when you walk through the door now and the pain of getting it to this place is thankfully a few months behind us. Numerous friends, many long standing, crossed our threshold during 2019 and we continue to sell the California Dream to anyone who’s interested in listening.
Whilst the choice to be at home wasn’t mine this year, my dog has been the one who has benefited the most from my time. Together, my little furry best friend and I have walked many miles, swam together in the ocean and worked out every week at boot camp. He is my sidekick who doesn’t see the bad days. He doesn’t keep his heart on his sleeve but I would take a punt that I’d be first in line for it if he did.
So 2020. What gives? I have high expectations, you should know. Like the forever bridesmaid waiting to be a bride, I’m expecting you to be My Year. I don’t need you to get me to where I was. But I sure could do with your help to push me to where I should be.
2019, you aren’t having the upper hand. 2020 - I’m in!
[Happy New Year and thanks to everyone who’s taken the time to read my musings. I’ve loved finding my voice and appreciate the kind words of encouragement]